Making friends over the age of 30

I came across this interesting article day, in NY times. Those of you, who are on connected with me on facebook will recall the link i shared on my timeline sometime back.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

The article examines why we find it so tough to make friends over the age of 30. His moot point is that the ability to make Best Friends or Close friends like you did when you were in school or in your teens is over post 30 years.

Seems scary right; given that I moved between schools every 2 years, moved to a brand new city for my college, and my MBA years are best forgotten @ XL, given my obsession with getting good grades and having extra currciular to boast on my 'resume'. My only chance of making close pals was once I exited my teenage years.

Well maybe that is just me, because my hubby's closest circle is his college circle. They have been buddies forever, and that circle has grown over the years. Friends have got married, had children and the group has grown. An aunt counts her social circle pre-dominantly of her business school, college and school classmates, and their spouses.

I think we find it harder to make closer relationships, as we approach midlife, given changing priorities, or critical events in our life, say you got married. I have some very close friends from work, however our interactions did reduce when I got married. We still can pick up from where we left, but our meetings are reduced, as they don't move in the same circle of friends that me and my husband share in common. It definitely helped my Aunt that her husband went to the same school as she did, so they could have a common pool of friends.

Friends also end up serving myriad roles. One of my closest pals is SD. We may not talk as often, but I do not hesitate to talk to him about career related advice. I consulted him, when I made my last move to a health care company. Similarly, if we need to crib about personal lives, or the lack of it, I dial a close pal in Singapore, and we can talk for hours like last week. You know who you are. If i want to travel to Tanzania or just anywhere ..or just have fun, I dial my friend from Bangalore or Gurgaon...and we get together..

Friendships in the professional world also are marred by a sense of competition and self preservation, intentional or not; people get re-assigned or travel, and the nurturing period for a friendship is never available.

In the article, the author examines, that people have an internal alarm clock that goes off at big life events, like turning 30. It reminds them that time horizons are shrinking, so it is a point to pull back on exploration and concentrate on the here and now. So suddenly you want to spend time with kids, or focus on your spouse, or being financially stable. I completely agree, however it is a cycle. What you want to focus on changes... A close friend of ours, married and father of two; recently confessed that he feels "life is slipping him by and he does not have any time to focus on things that he wants to do". So he ends up traveling, long drives, do date nights with his wife, meet us for coffee or lunch..etc.

Regardless, I am on the wrong side of 30, and try very hard to make new friends;... a colleauge and I planned to go shopping, as soon as our schedules + Delhi weather could get coordinated, its been 3 weeks. I am not giving up :-)