I am more than an other

A major headline in NY times - It may not make much difference to some of us; but has changed the lives for several gay/lesbian couples.

The New Jersey Supreme Court granted gay couples the same rights as married couples this week, leaving it to the State Legislature whether to call their partnerships marriages or civil unions.

It has been a traumatic time for several same sex couples to have been paying double the amount for health benefits. For example : The Vandenbergs, who have been partners for 12 years, have been forced to open their checkbooks repeatedly over the years to pay thousands of dollars in taxes on health benefits and for legal transactions that married couples rarely face. There was the $1,500 to change their surnames, for instance, the $1,400 or so in taxes they paid annually for additional health benefits, and the $1,000 they spent so one could adopt the biological child of the other. “For all of this, you need to hire an attorney, or you find out the hard way,” said Lucy Vandenberg, 37, the director of the state’s Council on Affordable Housing.

What also has been emotionally traumatic is to refer their partner as the 'other'.... they also have the desire to have the same marital rights as straight people, and to have their loved ones described in the same terms — in legal documents, in daily conversation, on insurance forms.

Alicia Heath-Toby, 43, of Newark, one of the plaintiffs in the Supreme Court case, said as she spoke at the Montclair rally, “ ‘Other’ is no longer acceptable,” she added. “Let us as a state be able to say, I am more than an ‘other.’